#WalrusYes – Or How I Gave In and Just Loved the Tusk.
There are a few things that you should know about me before we dive into this little guest appearance. First thing, I am an unabashed fan of Kevin Smith. To the point where it drives one of the guys that I do a podcast (Thinking Outside The Longbox) with absolutely nuts. Second thing, there is nothing that I love more than a good ole fashioned Midnight Movie. The more insane and terrible they are, the better. Films like Night of the Lepus and Lair of the White Worm were staples of my childhood. I was driven by a desire to watch all the horror movies in locally owned video store that my dad and I frequented. At school we would talk about the nasty bits of Warlock and Pumpkinhead, our own petty rebellion against the Christian schooling that we were getting, relishing the chance to revel in a little gore, “T’n’A” and Satan. Simmering very close to the surface of my psyche is that little kid, still overly excited about the latest episode of The Walking Dead, the newest issue of "Swamp Thing", and overly gleeful when I hear that one of my favorite directors wants to make a bizarro horror movie.
Most of us have probably heard the tale already of Smith’s ascent up Mount B Movie Glory. Talking on a podcast with his friend and partner in crime Scott Moser, he regaled us all with the tale of a man who just wanted a friend who would be willing to live their life as a walrus. That tale sparked an idea, and that idea sparked a hashtag that propelled Mr. Smith into the directors seat of a little piece of beautiful insanity. #walrusyes pushed something nutty and silly and fun right into a theatre screen where I, lover of all things Smith and grotesque, was able to con my ever permissive wife into a date night like no other!
There is no spoiling the premise of this movie. A lonely old man with roots as a seafarer wants to have a friend. He wants a friend that he once lived on a deserted island with. He wants a walrus friend. He is willing to kidnap and transform someone into the walrus, and podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) is about to become that walrus. It isn’t the “what” that gets you, you know that is coming. It isn’t even the “how” or the “why”, all of those are fairly standard horror movie fare; it is the sight, the spectacle of it all that makes this something more than the sum of its parts.
The reveal is stunning, to the point where it made my wife gasp, it continues to be stunning as the movie goes on. It may not be convincing or realistic, you will have to suspend your disbelief, but the sheer joy ride of the whole thing is so fantastically fun that it is worth it. It has moments of humor, and grindingly unnatural disgusts in store for you, but it will be hard to find a more suitable movie to fit your Halloween watching needs this year than something as outrageous as Tusk. To all those who nay say, and bellow that Kevin Smith has finally killed his career, or that he has finally topped the atrocities that are Jersey Girl (a movie that I highly recommend people re-watch after becoming parents), to all of those who are loving taking a dump on this movie, to you I say, “YOU ARE WRONG! It is what it was meant to be! Fie on you naysayers! Walrus Mother F’ing YES!”
Gabe LLanas is a dock worker at a milk bottler, but he also is the Overlord of Comic Books at The Nerd Store in Greeley, Colorado, and the co-host of Thinking Outside the Longbox, a bi-weekly podcast about all things pop culture but mostly comics. He lives in Greeley, CO with his wife, four kids, cat, dog and comic book collection.